Did you meet someone like Barney Stinson?

The best quotes and sayings from Barney Stinson

Barney Stinson is one of the five main characters in How I Met Your Mother and is known for his legendary sayings and quotes. Is embodied Barney Stinson by Neil Patrick Harris, who for his role as a charming, Sayings knocking macho has already received numerous awards. His sayings are mostly about women and the various tear-open techniques that he collects in his playbook.

You are the love of my life. All that I am and all that I have is yours. Forever.

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Declarations of loveBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 24

Whatever you do in life, it is not legendary if your friends are not there to see it.

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 17

Canadians also helped win two world wars and the world owes them Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, a neighborhood of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes, and best of all - you.

Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all - you.

CanadaBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 12

Barney: "Well, we'll just have a nice, tasteful rehearsal dinner. Maybe in a French restaurant, and I already know where."
Robin: "What is the name of the restaurant?"
Barney: "La Sertag"

Barney: "Fine, we'll just have a nice, tasteful rehearsal dinner. Maybe at a French restaurant, I know just the place."
Robin: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
Barney: "La Sertag."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 12

Barney: "Well, challenge accepted Lil, no woman is too beautiful and imposing
Because I'm Barney Stinson, also known as the Player King of New York City "
Ted: "You can't call yourself King like that idiot LeBron."
Barney: "The boy left the Cavaliers three years ago. Bro, forget it, come on!"

Barney: "Your challenge is accepted Lil, there is no girl too pretty
For I am Barney Stinson, Player King of New York City. "
Ted: "You can't anoint yourself the king, just like that jerk, LeBron."
Barney: "He left the Cavs three years ago. Bro, give it up, move on."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 11

It has always been my dream since I was around five. So from it and from its own functioning Death Star.

I've been dreaming of that since I was five. Well, that and my own operational Death Star.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 10

When Mom was a groupie back in the 70s, her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the glutamate junkies. Your scrambled eggs influenced tons of songs:
ZZ Top's 'She's Got Legs'? At first it was called 'She's Got Eggs'.
Led Zeppelin? 'Scramble On'.
Steve Miller? 'The Yolker'.
And listen to Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' while you eat her balls, and then everything falls into place.

When Mom was a groupie in the '70s, her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the MSG loading dock. Lot of songs written about those scrambled eggs:
ZZ Top's 'She's Got Legs'? Originally 'She's Got Eggs'.
Led Zeppelin? 'Scramble On'.
Steve Miller? 'The Yolker'.
If you listen to Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' while eating her eggs, it lines up perfectly.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 8

Marshall: "What happened?"
Barney: "I said without asking questions.
Marshall: "Star, shamrock, horseshoe ... Barney, have you swallowed the symbols of the Lucky Charms cereal for real?"
Barney: "Without asking any questions! Come on, let's jet into the bar. I'll buy one. I've just won 50 bucks in a test of courage."

Marshall: "What the hell happened?"
Barney: "I said no questions asked."
Marshall: "Star, clover, horseshoe ... Barney, did you swallow real versions of all the Lucky Charms items?"
Barney: "No questions asked! Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 7

Lily: "I'm not paying for room service the hooker ordered."
Barney: "I've been there."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 7

Your story is really cute. You didn't kiss until the third date. By our third meeting, I had gone further than a cave explorer in the sandstone.

Your story is so sweet. You didn't even kiss' til the third date. By our third date, I hit more bases than Bob Hope on a USO tour.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 6

Every layout at a wedding weekend is decided by the Friday evening drink. If you do the wrong thing today, the only action you'll experience this weekend is the self-five - and I'm not talking about the cool version. Self-five! That was the cool version.

Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl tonight, the only action you'll be getting all weekend is a self five and I don't mean the cool kind. Self-five! That's the cool kind.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 6

I am pleased to announce that The Bro Code is now also available in selected national airlines. And at Lufthansa. The book is selling like warm muffins in Germany.

I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. 'Der Bro Code' is, like, huge in Germany.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 4

These scriptures were finally brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus. And for this reason he was allowed to pop Pocahontas too.

This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus. And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 4

The Bro Code as we know it has been around for centuries. No ... whatever is more than centuries.

The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay ... whatever's more than centuries.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 4

Ted: "So you're angry because Robin and I held hands."
Barney: "Of course I'm mad, Ted. Holding hands is a fourth year substitute for fucking. Well, in your case, twelfth graders. Self-five!"

Ted: "So, you are mad about me and Robin holding hands."
Barney: "Of course I'm mad Ted. Holding hands is like the fourth grade equivalent of banging. Well in your case, twelfth grade. Self-five!"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 4

Robin: "I can't believe my great grandparents still do that."
Barney: "And I never imagined a walker being used for anything other than walking."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 3

Barney: "Our wedding celebration is definitely going to be legendary."
Robin: "No waiting yet?"
Barney: "I have you, what should I wait for now?"

Barney: "Our wedding is gonna be legendary."
Robin: "No wait for it?"
Barney: "I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore."

Declarations of loveBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 9 episode 1

Lily Aldrin: "Guys, the captain made me an interesting offer."
Barney Stinson: "It was about time that it became clear why he hired you. Promise me that you will film it and use a tripod. Shaky shots don't look artistic, they look sloppy."

Lily Aldrin: "Guys, The Captain just made me a very interesting offer."
Barney Stinson: "Finally we get around to the real reason he hired you. Just promise you film it, and please use a tripod. There's nothing artistic about shaky-cam, it just looks sloppy."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 21

Listen, when Michael Jordan is healthy, you don't send Scottie Pippen up front. Ah, you are Canadian, right. If Wayne Gretzky is healthy, then you don't send François ... what I'm getting at is: Ice hockey is stupid and I'm the scout!

Look, if Michael Jordan's healthy, you don't let Scottie Pippen run the offense. Oh, you're from Canada, right. If Wayne Gretzky's healthy, you don't let François ... what I'm saying is: hockey is stupid and I'm point guy!

Canada, ice hockeyBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 23

When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Barney Stinson in The Bro Code - Article 24

There is a truth hidden beneath all of these lies, you see? The only truth that can bear the weight of all the lies in this world: And that is the fact that I love you.

Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

Declarations of loveBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 18

Barney: "Ted, what's one of my rules?"
Ted: "You can tell the age by the elbows?"
Barney: "My other rule."
Ted: "Flaxseed soothes the stomach?"
Barney: "My other rule."
Ted: "Always have the wrong concert tickets with you in case Lily invites you to something stupid?"
Barney: "My other rule."
Ted: "Lebanese women always stick to third base?"
Barney: "My other rule."
Ted: "New is always better?"
Barney: "New is always better!"

Barney: "Ted what is my one rule?"
Ted: "You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Flax seed relieves upset stomach?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there."
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "New is always better?"
Barney: "New is always better!"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 18

Every time I'm after a blonde who can't read the clock or who thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm superficial. But Robin is allowed to have a guy whom it is better not to let near electrical outlets.

Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 6

There is only one rule. After every third 10 you've screwed, you throw a bone to a 5. They are grateful and enjoy working and sometimes you just want to lie there.

I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 23

Ted: "My mother is not a one-night-stand material!"
Barney: "You're right. It wasn't at night and we didn't stand."

Ted: "My mother is not one-night-stand material!"
Barney: "Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night and we weren't standing."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 14

By the way, folks, this is Judie, you will see a lot more of Judie in the future. And they never saw her again! What's up!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 20

The last page you will ever have written.

The last play you'll ever run.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 11

It's nice that they found each other. Sometimes you fall in love with someone unexpectedly, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?

It's nice that they found each other. Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 10

Come on, Ted, it's 2012. Do you think you'll find a cute travel agent while you're leafing through a newspaper in a bookstore? There is no longer one of these three things!

Come on Ted, it's 2012. What do you expect to meet some cute travel agent when you're reading a newspaper at a bookstore? None of those things exist anymore!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 22

Are you aware that breaking a sacred bro oath can have fatal, if not life-threatening consequences?

Are you aware that breaking a broath can have deadly- even fatal repercussions?

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 19

It's quite weird. Every woman I've met has made the mistake of giving me a chance. And you're the first to make the mistake of not doing that.

You know, it's funny. Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 18

Neither of us will say, 'Hey, how are you? Nice to see you!'
Because it will be really nice to see you.

Neither one of us are gonna say, 'Hey, how's it going?' or 'Good to see you!'
Because it really will be good to see you.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 8

This fall, I am living out my highly developed talents at Mouth Beach.

In this case - this is tough. In this fall I'm going to take my talents to Mouth Beach.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 7

The Stickys even sent me a breast-shaped disinfectant dispenser. It's clean and dirty at the same time.

Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser. It's clean and dirty at the same time.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 7

This woman holds my heart so tightly that it is impossible for me to break away from it. And there have been times when I wanted it with all my might.
It was overwhelming and humiliating to me and extremely painful at times, but not loving her anymore would be like stopping breathing.

This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I couldn't stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

Love, declarations of loveBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 6

Ted: "A teammate is over 50, still a virgin and still in a good mood."
Barney: "Then he can certainly handle balls well."

Ted: "Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam."
Barney: "I'm sure he's quite a ball handler."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 6

Ted: "This is the drinking train! You crossed out all the stops and wrote Vagina-Hausen."
Barney: "That's not true at all. It says Schwengel-Stadt."

Ted: "It's the Drunk Train! You crossed out all the stops and wrote Vagina-Ville."
Barney: "That's not true. That one says Boner Gardens."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 16

You were a really horny wingman. And while I find it kind of gross when you masturbate orally every now and then, it doesn't mean that I'm unimpressed.

You've been a hell of a wingman. And even though I think it's kind of gross when you pleasure yourself orally, don't ever think that means I'm not impressed.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 5

I have a new bro, a bro who really puts all other bros to shame. The girls in heat love the guy. He carries a stick around with him all day. Nobody wags their tail so nicely. Why aren't you laughing? Oh, I should have told you that beforehand: he's a dog! I call him Brover.

I've got a new bro, a bro that puts all other bros to shame. The bitches love him. He buries bones all day. No one chases tail like him. Why aren't you guys laughing? Oh, wait, I probably should have led with this: he's a dog! I've named him Brover.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 5

Ted: "The Cleveland clubs are still important! 'LeBron who?' Am I right people? "
Barney: "Ted, neither you nor Cleveland know how to cope with leaving them."

Ted: "Cleveland sports are still relevant! 'LeBron who?' Right guys? "
Barney: "Ted, neither you, nor Cleveland knows how to get over someone leaving them."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

I know it hurts buddy, but someday you'll be able to love again. Because time heals a broken heart, but it doesn't heal this slut's window.

I know this hurts little buddy, but you'll love again someday. Because time will heal a broken heart, but not that bitch's window.

LovesicknessBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

Ted: "Are those Robin's boobs?"
Barney: "When hot chickens lean over to inspect your bundle of joys, you can inspect their bundles of joys. The Broller. God, I have good ideas!"

Ted: "Those Robin's boobies?"
Barney: "When new nubile hotties lean in to inspect your bundle of joy, you can inspect their bundles of joy. The Broller. God, I come up with a lot of good stuff!"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

The boobs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down
The boobs on the bus go up and down, very lively through the city

The boobs on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down
The boobs on the bus go up and down, all through the town

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

Bro, bro paddle the boat, very quickly over to the bar
If you get drunk, the brides are great ...

Bro, bro, bro your broat, gently to the bar
Hit on sluts, then do ten shots and ...

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

Bro McDonald has a farm, E-I-E-I-bro
And on the farm there he has a couple of chickens, E-I-E-I-bro
With a spicy chicken here and a stupid chicken there ...

Bro McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-bro
And on that farm he had some chicks, E-I-E-I-bro
With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there ...

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

Ted: "As your best friend, it would be an honor for me if you appoint me as a guardian."
Robin: "If you want Marvin to be pulled up a mast in his underpants, then take him. But if you want him to pull the pants off other nerds, then take me."
Barney: "I will show this child how it is awesome and in a way that you never could. Yes, that will be - it will come soon ... let's not delay it, it would be better for little Marvin, if you disappear right away ... - you! "

Ted: "You know, as your best friend, if called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin."
Robin: "If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted's your guy. If you want him pulling the chord on some other nerd's panties, I'm your guy."
Barney: "I'll teach that kid how to be awesome in ways you and Lily never could. It's going to be legend- wait for it ... no, I won't wait for it and neither should little baby Marvin, so maybe It's better if you two just die right now ... -dary! "

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 4

The big Bro in Heaven answered my prayers. An almighty five!

The big bro in the sky had answered my prayers. Allmighty five!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 3

It's probably his ... I've been training my boys to swim the other way for years.

It's probably his ... I've spent years training my boys to swim the other way.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 12

Robin: "I'm pregnant."
Barney: "Sure you won't just get fat?"

Robin: "I'm pregnant."
Barney: "Are you sure you're not just getting fat?"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 7 episode 12

Miss Garvey's parents are allowed to stay in our apartment as long as they like. Provided they arrive in an urn each.

Miss Garvey's parents may stay at our place as long as they like. Provided they each arrive in an urn.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, season 8 episode 2
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